Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
