1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
