he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They took my balls.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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