i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
