I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
