You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
