Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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