The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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