Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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