I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
