And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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