They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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