At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
