my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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