How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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