With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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