no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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