When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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