A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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