Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
