No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize