which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
