PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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