it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
