my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
