i'm lost and i look like a hooker
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
