Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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