I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
