that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
