it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize