in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
