I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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