I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
