Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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