Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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