he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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