I think i peed on brittanys purse
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
