she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
