I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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