That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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