Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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