Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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