GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
