yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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