if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
