He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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