sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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