i will never coherently bang her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
