My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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