Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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