you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
