I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize