I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
