The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
