We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
