well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
