Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
