She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
