i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
