i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
