I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
