I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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