It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize