he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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