just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
