One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
