She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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