I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
